Incidental Insult
by JuniperLemon
Summary: Tony doesn't realise he has offended Bruce when mentioning that the man should get laid. It leads to Bruce having to come out to explain his disinterest in sex.


Stark stumbled into their communal living space like his legs were jelly and the world was spinning. Despite his usually high tolerance for alcohol, Tony was pretty intoxicated. He grabbed the counter in the kitchen as a support and peered around the room. His stomach was hungry for cheese and he was going to get cheese. Or, at least, he was before he noticed Bruce stood in the kitchen in his pyjamas with his large fingers wrapped around the streaming cup of hot chocolate.

It was nearly 3 am and Tony had not been expecting to run into any of his fellow Avengers as he stumbled in drunk as a skunk. He peered at the scientist as though it was his first time ever viewing him.

Banner had his glasses on his nose where he'd been reading in bed. He looked cosy and content with his choice to stay in. It wasn't exactly hard to refuse when the other Avengers asked if he wanted to go out. He shifted where he was standing.

"Hey, Brucie!" Stark's words slurred slightly as he spoke, "You should've come wiv us! You'd 'ave loved it! You need to let of some steam, man." He leant heavily against the counter, not noticing how his hand was slowly slipping across the surface.

Bruce looked slightly affront but let it pass as merely Tony's drunken stupor, "I'm fine thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself though."

The scientist began to move towards the door but Stark threw his arm out which meant he simultaneously punched and grabbed his friend. Bruce flinched but remained still. He told himself to breath and just remember that he was slightly irritable due to his tiredness.

"Nooooo! You need to relax, man. Kick back an' have some fun! Yo' work too hard."

"I'm fine." He gently tried to prize his hands off his sleeve but the man's grip was like a vice. "Just let me go and then I can get back to bed."

"See! You don't live! You need to just get laid and relax." He repeated.

Bruce recoiled as though he'd just be slapped and snatched his arm away from his drunken friend. He looked as though he was going to say something for a few moments but eventually he stormed off, red faced and embarrassed.

Tony, in his state, didn't have the presence of mind to accept that Banner was upset so instead lumbered on to the refrigerator where he took handfuls of grated cheese and ate it up. He did so until his stomach was satisfied then found the sofa to collapse down to sleep. The journey to his bedroom seemed just a bit too far.

* * *

He was woken by Natasha standing over him barking demands. Couldn't she see he was sleeping? And trying to avoid a fierce hangover. Surely she should also be feeling the negative effects of the alcohol they consumed last night. Even looking up at her hurt his head. It took him a few attempts to focus on what she was saying.

"Have you seen Bruce?" She demanded again.

He shrugged whilst throwing an arm over his tired eyes.

She sighed, "He's normally up at 6 and usually around here all morning but nobody has seen any sign of him." They hadn't checked his floor yet and there was the perfectly reasonable idea that the man may be sleeping in today but it seemed unlikely. Tony glanced at his watch, 11:03. Bruce would have usually made an appearance by now.

Talking about Bruce triggered a blurry memory. He struggled to decipher it but eventually realised that he'd royally screwed up while definitely drunk last night.

"Ughhhh." He groaned.

"What did you do?" Natasha asked immediately. Her tone was sharp and to the point. The spy knew Stark well enough to generally predict his behaviours and his screw ups.

"I think I offended him by calling him boring." He dropped his head into his palms with a groan. Nothing of this situation was helping his headache.

She sighed, glancing up to the ceiling as though praying for god to give her some more patience or to smite Tony. She'd be happy with either outcome at this point. The tips of her hair rested against her strong shoulders.

"We need Banner so you'd better sort this out." She instructed with stern eyes before striding off to harass someone else. He watched her go whilst pouting. Everyone knew perfectly well, either from personal experience or being witness, that Stark definitely didn't know how to apologize.

He groaned again, downed some Advil and hauled his aching body down to the lab.

* * *

As his muddled brain had predicted, Bruce was in the lab hunched over some test tubes that appeared to have some sort of moving substance inside. The scientist's eyes were like glue to his experiment as he watched the gloop travel towards the lip of the glass tube.

He looked a mess and that came from someone who had only just woken up and woken up with a hangover at that. The man had stubble across his face that was red from where he'd been scratching at it relentlessly. His shirt buttons were not aligned correctly so there was uneven material at the bottom and a gaping hole above his belly button. Several coffee mugs surrounded him like debris of an all nighter.

"Bruce?" Tony asked hesitantly.

The man with salt and pepper hair jumped slightly at the sudden intrusion of silence. He'd been so absorbed in his project that he hadn't heard his friend descend in the elevator. His dark eyes seemed conflicted but he turned to face him nonetheless.

"Is everything okay?" Concern colored his tone as his eyebrows furrowed slightly. The doctor seemed to always put others needs before his own so today Tony was going to take a page from his book.

Tony entered further into the lab, stepping over spare parts he'd left about, and sat in a chair opposite his friend. He lifted a thin tube off the desk behind him and fiddled with it as he spoke.

"I just... I came to apologize for what I said last night. I had no right to comment on-" He was cut off when he had barely made any progress into his pre-planned speech. It was going to be good too.

The scientist stopped his apology with a wave of his hand, "It's okay, Tony. I know that some people don't agree with my life or they struggle to understand why I'm like this but this is me. I've lost people in the past who felt I was purposely holding back from life but I'm happy." He took a second to clear his throat, "If you don't agree then we don't have to discuss it ever again but I'd hope that you'd come to accept me eventually."

Banner was peering up at Tony with huge puppy dog eyes that begged for a good reaction. However, the genius was pretty confused and he didn't know whether it was the hangover messing with his cognitive function or maybe Bruce really wasn't making sense. He seemed to be vastly over dramatic about his life choice to... stay in? Not party? He was confused.

"Agree? Why would you need people to accept you? People go to bed early all the time... It's not like it's expected of you to go out drinking and partying." He ranted on behalf of the slightly shorter man. Such a simple personal preference and he felt guilty about his choices? This was something Tony felt was screwed up.

His face froze, "What?"

"What." He mimicked Bruce's lack of movement. What had he done now?

"I wasn't talking about not going out..." The doctor admitted slowly.

Stark blinked rapidly, staring at his friend, "What were you talking about?"

"Last night you kept talking about me getting laid and letting of steam." He put air quotes around the words Tony had said, "You know how I feel about all that and yet you felt as though you knew better and that I should just do it. I'm just tired of people doing that."

"Wait..." He squinted in confusion, "You feel about what? Having sex?"

"Tony, I swear told you about this... Or did I? I might have thought about telling you but then didn't..." Banner rubbed the back of his neck as his eyes inspected the floor, "Well, I'm asexual."

Stark seemed to taste the word in his mouth, trying it out and attempting to jog his memory, "Asexual... I know I know it... Just remind me?"

"I don't like sex at all. I find no pleasure in it." He informed him helpfully.

Tony nodded slowly despite his brain struggling to understand how a person could function this way. Not that he was judging or anything but sex had been such a large part of his life. He was infamous worldwide for being a playboy and wound up in gossip magazines every week as they report on his latest spree.

"But you're not a virgin?" Stark asked uncertainly.

Bruce rolled his eyes but his friend could tell that he really didn't mind informing people, "No, Tony. I've had sex a few times but it never did anything for me. I just sat there waiting for my partner to be done."

The genius pondered over the idea for a while, "I guess it makes sense. If there are people who like one sex and people who like both sexes then why can't their be people who don't like sex at all."

Bruce smiled slightly. He should have known that Tony would be open minded about the whole situation since he was the most out there of all the Avengers. He wasn't like Steve who had only recently discovered that it was no longer illegal to have sex with someone of the same sex as you.

"So? You're okay with it?" He asked, just to make sure everything was out and no unspoken questions floated around.

"Okay with it? Of course! I gotta say, you're missing out but more for me." He grinned, "I won't pressure you to get laid anymore."

"Thanks, I really appreciate it."

"I'm glad this has 'come out'." Tony chuckled to himself as he made towards the door.

"It doesn't count as coming out if I thought you already knew!" Bruce called after him as the elevator doors slid closed.

He breathed out steadily as the smile curled up on his lips again. Telling people about his sexuality always gave Bruce a slight thrill. The risk of rejection which is then blown over by acceptance really gets the blood thumping through his veins.

... Who could he tell next?!


End file.
